Grief Cracked Me Open: How Loss Led Me to a Life of Healing

There are moments in life that divide us into before and after. For me, that moment was the loss of my son.

Before, I was a nurse. A caregiver. A constant presence at work- always tending to others, always putting my own needs last. Nursing wasn’t just my job; it was my identity. I thought I was doing everything right by pouring myself into helping others. But somewhere along the way, I forgot how to take care of me. And more painfully, I missed irreplaceable moments with the people I loved most.

When my son passed, my entire world shattered.

Grief doesn’t just break your heart- it breaks you. The version of me that existed before couldn’t survive that kind of pain. I found myself standing in the rubble of who I used to be, with no roadmap, no energy, no desire to go back to the life I had known.

I tried therapy- 5 different therapists, to be exact. I tried medications to help with the depression and anxiety. But nothing touched the heaviness. Nothing made me feel like “me” again. I was stuck, sitting alone with my thoughts, wondering who I even was now.

But as I sat in that darkness, something unexpected began to happen.

I started to feel… a pull.

A pull toward stillness.

Toward softness.

Toward healing.

That’s when I discovered Reiki- not just as a practice, but as a lifeline. It allowed me to process grief in a way words couldn’t. Energy flowed where my voice had failed. I didn’t need to explain, or even understand- I just had to feel. And for the first time in a long time, I did.

Reiki didn’t “fix” my grief. It held me while I carried it. It helped me remember my body was still a home, not just a shell. It helped me reconnect with my spirit- and with his.

This process led me to Sacred Scrubs. This is not just a business, but a sacred offering to others who feel lost, broken, or tired. A place where healing isn’t rushed or forced- but honored.

If you’ve been cracked open by grief, know this:

You are not broken.

You are becoming- like a caterpillar in its cocoon, disolving into something unrecognizable, only to emerge as something new, something radiant.

And you don’t have to walk that path alone.

Dedication

For Christian-

You were my greatest teacher.

Your live cracked me open, and through the pain,

you led me back to myself.

This healing journey is for you- and for everyone

learning to live with loss

If you’re walking through grief and need a safe space to just be- I’m here.

I offer gentle distance Reiki sessions that support your heart, your energy, and your healing process.

Let’s begin with a free 15-minute consultation

How Energy Blocks Show Up in the Body (and How Reiki Can Help)

When the Body Speaks, Listen

You know that feeling- tension that won’t go away, fatigue you can’t explain, or emotions that bubble up at the worst time. These aren’t just physical issues- they’re often signs that your energy is trying to tell you something. In Reiki, we believe that when energy doesn’t flow freely, it can create “blocks” that affect our body, mind, and spirit.

What Are Energy Blocks?

In Reiki and other energy healing practices, energy blocks are the areas where life force energy (also called Ki or Chi) becomes stagnant or disrupted. This can happen due to:

• Emotional trauma or unresolved grief

• Chronic stress or anxiety

• Negative thought patterns

• Physical injury or illness

• Ignoring your needs or suppressing your truth

Just like a clogged pipe can back up a whole system, an energy block can ripple outward- impacting how you feel and function every day.

Where They Show Up: Common Physical Signs

Energy blocks often show up in specific areas of the body, depending on which chakras are affected. Here are some common symptoms people with blocked energy might feel:

• Throat Tightness or Sore Throats- Blocked throat chakra (difficulty speaking your truth)

• Digestive Issues or Bloating- Blocked solar plexus chakra (power, confidence, control)

• Chronic Fatigue or Burnout- Blocked root or sacral chakras (safety, creativity, emotional flow)

• Migraines or Brain Fog- Blocked third eye or crown chakras (intuition, spiritual connection)

You don’t have to know all the chakras to understand your body is signaling for help.

How Reiki Helps Clear Energy Blocks

Reiki gently encourages energy to move where it’s been stuck. By channeling healing energy into the body, a Reiki session:

• Promotes deep relaxation

• Helps release stored emotions

• Encourages the body’s natural healing response

• Restores balance to the energetic system

Clients often report feeling lighter, calmer, or more “themselves” after a session- because energy is flowing again.

You Don’t Need to Do This Alone

You’re not broken. Your energy is just asking for attention. Reiki gives you the space to reconnect, rebalance, and begin healing on all levels- physical, emotional, and spiritual.

If you’re feeling out of alignment, I invite you to try a session or even book a free consultation. Let’s see what your energy is trying to say.

Welcome to a Healing Journey: Bridging Science and Spirit

“Healing is not a matter of curing the body, but of restoring the soul.” - Unknown

Welcome- I’m so grateful you’re here.

My name is Brittany, and I’m a Registered Nurse, Usui Reiki Master, and Certified Meditation Coach. This blog is a space where the worlds of modern medicine and holistic healing come together- a place for anyone seeking balance, peace, and deeper connection.

As a nurse, I’ve seen how healing isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. It’s spirtual. It’s about feeling safe, seen, and supported- not just as a patient, but as a whole person. That understanding is what led me to Reiki.

Reiki is a gentle, energy-based healing practice that supports the body’s natural ability to restore balance. Whether you’re dealing with stress, physical discomfort, emotional wounds, or simply longing for more calm in your life- Reiki can help.

In this blog, I’ll be sharing personal reflections, insights into energy healing, practical tools for self-care, and thoughts on how to live with intention and presence. Whether you’re brand new to Reiki or already walking a spiritual path, you are welcome here.

Thank you for being part of this journey. Healing is for everyone- and it begins with a single breath, a moment of awareness, a willingness to receive.

With love and light,

Brittany Bouthilette

What is Reiki? A Beginner-Friendly Guide to Energy Healing

If you’ve ever heard the word Reiki and thought, “That sound interesting… but what exactly is it?”- you’re not alone.

Reiki (pronounced ray-key) is a gentle, non-invasive healing technique that works with the body’s natural energy. It originated in Japan in the early 20th century and has since become a widely practiced form of energy healing around the world.

The word Reiki comes from two Japanese words:

• Rei, meaning “universal” or “spiritual wisdom”

• Ki, meaning “life force energy”

Together, Reiki refers to the spiritually guided life force energy that flows through all living things.

How Does Reiki Work?

Reiki practitioners are trained to act as a channel for this energy, allowing it to flow through their hands and into the recipient. It’s a deeply calming experience, helping to:

• Promote relaxation

• Reduce stress and anxiety

• Support physical and emotional healing

• Balance the body’s energy

• Encourage a sense of peace and clarity

You may feel warmth, tingling, emotional release, or simply deep rest. Each person experiences Reiki differently- and that’s part of its beauty!

What About Distance Reiki?

One of the most amazing things about Reiki is that it isn’t limited by space. Because Reiki works on the energetic level, it can be just as powerful when sent remotely as in person.

Distance Reiki allows you to receive healing energy wherever you are- whether you’re across town or across the world. Sessions are typically done over the phone, video call, or even without real-time communication, depending on your preference.

During a distance session, we’ll begin by connecting (briefly discussing your needs or intentions), and then you’ll find a quiet, comfortable space to relax, I’ll guide the energy to you, working with intention and focus. You may feel the same sensations as an in-person session: warmth, tingling, or simply a deep sense of peace.

Distance Reiki is ideal for anyone:

• With a busy schedule

• Seeking healing from the comfort of home

• Living in a different location

• Looking for flexible, accessible energy work

Energy knows no boundaries- and neither does healing.

Is Reiki Right for Me?

Whether you’re navigating stress, recovering from illness, moving through grief, or just needing a pause in your week- Reiki offers gentle, supportive energy to help you come back into balance.

You don’t have to “believe” in anything for it to work. Reiki is not a religion, and it welcomes everyone.

What to Expect in a Session

In our first session together, we’ll start with a quick conversation to check in and set intentions. You’ll then relax in a quiet space, while I guide the energy to you. After the session, you’re welcome to share your experience or ask questions.

Most people finish feeling more grounded, clear, and centered.

If you’re curious, I invite you to book a session or stay connected here as I share more about the healing power of Reiki. This journey is for everyone- and you don’t have to walk it alone.

With love and light,

Brittany Bouthilette

The Science Behind Distance Reiki: What the Research Says

As more people seek holistic and energy-based healing methods, distance Reiki has become an increasingly popular option—especially in our post-pandemic world where remote care is more common than ever. But does science support the effectiveness of Reiki, particularly when the practitioner and client aren’t in the same room?

Here’s a summary of recent research findings that shed light on the credibility and clinical relevance of distance Reiki as a therapeutic intervention.

🌿 What Is Distance Reiki?

Distance Reiki, sometimes called remote Reiki or absentee healing, is a technique where Reiki energy is sent across time and space. Practitioners use symbols and intention to channel healing energy to individuals who are not physically present. While it may sound abstract, recent studies have begun to evaluate the clinical outcomes of this practice using established scientific methods.

🔬 What the Research Shows

1. LifeSpark Cancer Resources Study (2021)

Source: LifeSpark article, Center for Reiki Research

In a large observational study conducted by LifeSpark Cancer Resources, over 200 individuals with cancer received distance Reiki during the COVID-19 pandemic. Using the Edmonton Symptom Assessment Scale (ESAS), researchers observed statistically significant improvements in:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Fatigue

• Overall well-being

Participants reported noticeable reductions in symptom burden after sessions, even though treatments were conducted entirely remotely. This study demonstrates that distance Reiki can offer measurable relief, particularly for people navigating the physical and emotional challenges of cancer treatment.

2. SAGE Open Nursing Systematic Review (2023)

Source: SAGE journal

This systematic review analyzed 10 clinical trials involving remote Reiki and therapeutic touch. While sample sizes were generally small, consistent trends emerged showing:

• Reduced pain scores

• Lower anxiety levels

• Improved sleep quality

The authors emphasized that while more rigorous trials are needed, preliminary data supports distance Reiki as a safe, low-risk, and potentially effective complementary therapy.

3. Narrative Review on Reiki Therapy (2022)

Source: National Library of Medicine – PMC9622335

This comprehensive review explores the mechanisms and outcomes of Reiki, including distance healing. It highlights how Reiki may influence:

• Autonomic nervous system regulation

• Stress-related hormones (like cortisol)

• Immune system markers

Importantly, the review notes that both hands-on and distant Reiki appear to produce similar physiological effects, supporting the idea that healing can occur independently of physical proximity.

💡 What This Means for You

While more research is needed to fully understand the mechanisms behind energy healing, current evidence points to real, measurable benefits from distance Reiki, especially for stress, anxiety, and pain relief. For clients with limited mobility, chronic illness, or who simply prefer the comfort of their own home, this method offers a powerful, flexible option for holistic healing.

As a Reiki practitioner, I’ve seen firsthand how distance sessions can bring peace, clarity, and physical relief. And now, the science is beginning to catch up with what many of us have intuitively known for years: healing energy knows no boundaries.

If you’re curious about experiencing distance Reiki for yourself, I offer personalized virtual sessions to help you relax, restore, and reconnect—no matter where you are in the world. 🌎💖

From Burnout to Balance

I loved being a nurse, but somewhere along the way, I forgot to take care of myself- and the people who mattered most.

The Hidden Cost of Caring

Nursing was never just a job for me- it was a calling. I’ve always believed in the power of presence, of truly showing up for someone in their most vulnerable moments. But for a long time, I forgot how to show up for myself, and for my own family.

The turning point in my life wasn’t just exhaustion or burnout. It was the loss of my son.

I missed so many moments with him- time I can never get back- because I was always working, always pouring everything I had into other people. After he passed, the grief cracked me wide open. It forced me to reevaluate everything. I realized I didn’t want to keep repeating the same pattern with his sisters. I needed to be present. I needed to heal. And I needed to live like tomorrow isn’t promised- because it’s not.

As I attempted to balance life with grief and being a nurse, the same pattern kept repeating though, no matter what nursing environment I tried. I once worked nearly 30 hours straight. I was so exhausted that I almost gave a patient the wrong dose of insulin- but caught myself at the last second. I told my supervisor it was unsafe, that I couldn’t function without sleep. But she refused to relieve me. That moment stuck with me- not just because of the risk, but because of how broken the system was, and how broken I was becoming inside it.

It wasn’t sustainable. It wasn’t healing. It wasn’t living.

What followed was a journey- not away from caring for others, but toward doing it in a way that finally included myself. That journey led me to energy healing, to Reiki, and to Sacred Scrubs.

When Western Medicine Isn’t Enough

As a nurse, I believed in science. In data. In protocols and proven outcomes. And I still do. But there came a point where the treatments and medications I was taught to trust weren’t enough- for me, or for the people I was trying to help.

I tried everything the traditional system had to offer: pain management for the fibromyalgia, medication for anxiety, supplements for the migraines. Some of it helped temporarily, but nothing ever truly addressed the deeper issue- the profound disconnect I felt from my own body, and from the life I was living.

It was grief that cracked the door open.

After losing my son, I wasn’t just broken- I was untethered. No chart, no clinical guideline, no pill could help me process that kind of pain. I needed something else. Something deeper.

I didn't go looking for Reiki. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I believed. But when someone close to me suggested I try it, I was desperate enough to say yes. I figured, at the very least, it couldn’t hurt.

What I experienced in that first session was subtle, but undeniable. A warmth. A softening. A moment of stillness I hadn’t felt in years. It was as if my body finally exhaled after holding its breath for far too long.

It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t magical. But it was real.

And it was the first time in a long time that I felt the possibility of healing- not just managing symptoms, but healing. From the inside out.

That was the beginning of a new chapter. One that would lead me from the clinical nursing field to the healing space I now hold with Sacred Scrubs.

The Shift

That first Reiki session didn’t “fix” everything overnight- but it was the first step toward something I hadn’t felt in a long time: hope.

As I continued receiving Reiki, and performing self Reiki at home, I began to notice changes- not just in my physical pain, but in how I moved through the world. My migraines became less frequent. My anxiety softened. The chronic ache of my fibromyalgia didn’t disappear, but it no longer dominated every part of my day. And for the first time in years, I could sit with my grief without being consumed by it.

But the most profound shift was internal.

I started reconnecting with my intuition, my emotions, my body. I was no longer just surviving- I was beginning to heal.

Reiki gave me space to feel, to release, to breathe. It helped me process years of stored trauma, unexpressed emotion, and suppressed exhaustion. I realized how much I had been carrying- not just from my own life, but from every patient, every shift, every emergency I’d worked through without ever truly decompressing.

Eventually, I felt called to go deeper- not just as a recipient, but as a practitioner.

Learning Reiki felt like remembering something I’d always known. It awakened a part of me that had been dormant under layers of stress and sorrow. For the first time, I saw a new path forward: one where I could still be a healer, but on my own terms. One where I could hold space without sacrificing myself.

Reiki didn't just help me heal- it gave me a way to help others without burning out in the process.

Sacred Scrubs- Merging Medicine and Spirit

Sacred Scrubs was born from the intersection of two truths I carry: that science saves lives, and that energy heals souls.

I didn’t stop being a nurse when I became a Reiki practitioner. I brought everything I learned as a nurse with me- the compassion, the clinical intuition, the ability to be calm in chaos. But now, I get to practice in a way that honors the whole person- not just their symptoms, but their story, their energy, their spirit.

Sacred Scrubs is more than a brand. It’s a sacred space where caregivers, empaths, and anyone carrying too much can lay it down and start to heal. It’s where people come when they’re burnt out, broken down, or just seeking a deeper connection to themselves.

I’ve worked with fellow nurses, grieving parents, anxious teens, and people who have tried everything else and still feel stuck. And every time, I witness the same thing: when we slow down and tune it, the body begins to remember how to heal.

Through Reiki and energy work, I help restore balance- not just in their bodies, but in their lives. I don’t diagnose or treat in the clinical sense anymore. Instead, I support the body’s natural ability to release, to realign, and to return to center.

It’s a different kind of care. One that says: You are not just your pain. You are not just your past. You are energy. And energy can shift.

A Call to the Wounded Healers

If you’re a nurse, a caregiver, a mother, or simply someone who gives and gives until there’s nothing left- you are not alone.

I see you. I am you.

I know what it feels like to be strong for everyone else while quietly falling apart inside. I know the guilt of missing moments you can’t get back. I know the toll it takes on your mind, your body, your spirit. And I also know this: it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Healing is possible.

You don’t have to wait for burnout or illness to make a change. You don’t have to keep carrying it all alone. Whether you are grieving, exhausted, disconnected, or just ready for something deeper- there is a path back to yourself. Reiki helped me find mine. Now, it’s my calling to help you find yours.

Through Sacred Scrubs, I offer more than energy healing. I offer a safe, sacred space to rest, release, and remember who you are beneath all the layers of stress, sorrow, and survival.

If this resonates with you- if something in your heart just whispered yes- I invite you to begin your healing journey with me.

Because your energy matters.

Because your story matters.

Because you deserve to heal too.

Are you ready to begin your journey back to yourself?

Explore my Reiki and energy healing offerings here, or send us a message to see how Sacred Scrubs can support your healing. Whether you’re new to energy work or simply ready for something different- you’re welcome here.

You’ve spent enough time caring for everyone else. Let this be the moment you care for you.